but you will love me, otherwise you wouldn’t allow me to make all these attempts.

“Make raids,” I would say. I literally attacked him, did not let him breathe in the wrong direction.

But I remembered one more trick.

I've been wondering all these weeks. A useful thing by the way, I tell you. I selected a number of objects in the environment and asked a question like “will we be together,” then I counted the windows on the house. An even number meant “no,” an odd number meant “yes.” Nine. Yeah. We will. This gave me confidence. But sometimes there were mistakes, and an even number came across; I did not accept a negative answer. Therefore, I reformulated the question and asked again until I received a positive answer.

This is wildly funny. You don't seem to believe in it, but you do it because it works.

And it’s not scary if it doesn’t work, because you yourself came up with this fortune telling and you can change the rules. So you keep guessing again until the universe itself agrees with you. And the closer time went to the end of October, the more positive responses I received. I think my eye learned before me to determine compositions of things or symbols with an odd number and gave them to me for fortune telling. And I perceived these as signs of fate.

Very funny and ridiculous, but it worked for me.

And finally, on the eve of Halloween, I asked my friend and part-time colleague if I should ask for sex with Vladislav, in case it would reunite us.

— Never. He will just get his and you will even lose what you have, you will stop communicating for a while. Now he allows you to be around so much because he wants to. And then there will be no hormones that contribute to this.

— And what to do?

— Wait. If he offers, refuse. Until you get back together, until he confesses his love again, do not allow intimacy. I tell you as a man, his hormones are now on your side. Use it.

— Fine. — I answered gloomily, but I didn’t like the answer.

What to expect? He will never give birth, it seems. And it can drop hormones into the palm of your hand. Oh, sorry, I haven’t expressed myself so rudely in a long time. What is it, am I wrong?

It was necessary to come up with a way to make him want me, and not masturbation, and as early as possible in order to achieve a positive resolution.

I went to his office. And as she was leaving, as if by chance, she said:

— I dream about the day when we will go to intimate boutiques and choose a negligee for me.

He grinned.

Do you know what happened in the evening?

He called. Myself. Yeah. Can you imagine?

— Come to me today.

— And what will we do?

— Let's see.

— I can't just have sex with you. It wouldn't be fair to me. I am not ready to enter into an intimate relationship without emotional intimacy.

— Okay, I understand. I will think.

It was about six in the evening. I almost jumped with happiness right in the middle of the street. But I stopped short, because it’s too early to drink Borjomi, or something like that.

A couple of hours later he called back.

— Fine. Let's get together. But with a condition.

— Which one.

— If nothing works out for us and we quarrel again, everything will repeat itself as before, then we will separate amicably, as friends, you will calmly give me a divorce and will not hold me back, there will be no tears and accusations.

— Yes, sure.

I easily agreed to this, because after writing out all my misdeeds, looking at them directly, I was sure that this would not happen again.

Are you really interested in my sins? That's it. This is personal, although in my opinion I have already laid everything out in front of you. I have nothing to be ashamed of. Yes, I masturbated in front of my husband, hiding it from him. I faked an orgasm during sex. I didn’t finish cooking the meat almost thirty percent of the time, and I didn’t put my soul into cooking (which is why the food, let me tell you, turned out like stew in a prison). She criticized, gossiped, and was greedy. She sawed and devalued. I was lazy at work and didn’t achieve results when they were counting on me. All these things seem normal until they destroy you and your marriage.

Show me that family where all this is there and they are happy together, I will put on pince-nez and investigate their life so meticulously that I will definitely find skeletons in the closet, even if they are not the same as mine.

Do you know, for example, that a woman is responsible for fertility? That is, if a couple does not want children, but the woman still gets pregnant, and he seems to be happy, then this still places a burden on the woman’s soul.

My friend gave birth to five children, and her husband drinks like hell. They don’t even have enough money for themselves, and even more so for their children. They didn’t plan to give birth right away, they wanted to live for themselves, but he forgot about contraception, and she didn’t take the responsibility that it was she who would bear this burden later. And so it happened, she is unhappy, she has to beg, and people think her husband is bad. She protects him with all her might. And rightly so. He could have been smarter by having sex without a condom, but she should have stopped him and “dressed him up” at the right moment.

She should have made sure that conception was a mutual decision. I don’t blame